Kids Say The Darndest Things – Teacher Edition

So, we recently asked teachers to tell us funny stories about students. Every teacher has been there. That moment when a student says something so funny that it  just makes a teacher shake their head and laugh. Below are some examples of Kids Saying The Darndest Things – Teacher Edition:

A student asked me what a uni-Q was. I was thinking “I have no idea what a uni-Q is.” Thinking it was a toy or something, I go why do you ask? She said to me “It’s one of our spelling words.” I promptly told her, ‘That’s unique.”

I overheard one of my first graders ask a fellow student why he picked his nose and ate it. I was of course, expecting shame, embarrassment, or even anger. Imagine my surprise, when he answered very matter-of-factly, “Because I’m hungry and it tastes good.” Gross!

I had a child yell out, “Did you here about the salamanders in the peanut butter?!” I thought, turned my head one way, thought some more, and thought some more because she followed with, “It was in the news”, in a very exasperated tone. That’s when it hit me and I started laughing. What she meant was, “Did you hear about the salmonella in the peanut butter?”

Isn’t my Mommy pretty? She’s single. (5th grade)

I can’t read lips! I don’t know Morris Code.

I have a student who quite seriously calls me, “Teacher.”  I don’t mind; it just makes me smile…

But, Mrs. J! A penny saved is… not much.

Me: “Your shoes are on the wrong feet.” Student: After a long blank look: “I don’t have any other feet.”

Student after being asked why he cries all the time (we were genuinely concerned), replies, “I’m a Pisces, and we’re just extra sensitive…”

“Miss M, did you know that if you say “orange” rrreeeaaalllyy slowly, it sounds like gullible?” Resounding around the room: “Ooooorrraaannngggee…”

“Miss T, knock knock.” Me: “Who’s There.” Student: “Wu.” Me: “Wu Who?”  Don’t get so excited, Miss T, it’s just a joke.”

Middle school student when faced with the dilemma over which side of town he would live on (while studying the Berlin Wall) if our city was divided: “Oh, Mr. R, I don’t know…the side with Toys R Us? Or the side with my doctor?”

Miss H. can I add you on Facebook?” [wait what, 10-year-olds have facebook!?]

First day of class this year. “Miss J. (dramatic pause) My name is (another equally dramatic pause) Paul.  Call me Paul”

I had been sick for a week with the flu and laryngitis, 2 days out and I come back to very sympathetic kids. One of my boys, a very vocal boy, says “Ms. H you know the reception in here really stinks.” Reception? “You know we might just have to adjust your antenna.” Now mind you it hurt to swallow and I just belted out this barking laugh. That made my week, that week.

14 year old boys accidentally calling me ‘mom’ instead of ‘miss’ in front of their friends. 

In our pre-school class, We asked the four-year-old if he wanted milk with his snack, and he just waved dismissively and said “Nah, I’m good.”

Miss. E, say hello to my little friend” and pulled out a fake mouse. Adorable :)

Student, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? “You told me to do it without using tables.”

And….we saved the best for last.

On a field trip to the local police station, the children were looking at the photos of all the people that were wanted for various crimes. The police officer giving the tour asked if there were any questions. One of my third graders asked “if these people are all wanted, why didn’t you just keep them when you were taking their pictures?” The officer smiled and said, “I wish we would have thought of that.”

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